we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
