Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
