put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
