It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
