My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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