I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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