she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
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I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
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After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize