you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
