Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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