I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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