what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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