I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
