i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
