Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
