i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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