What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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