Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize