I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
