I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
