remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
