My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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