Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
