Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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