Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
