Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
