If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I see more hoeing in ur future
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