Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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