omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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