Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
