dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
