1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
