i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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