I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think I sprained my soul last night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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