But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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