Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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