I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
