Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
