I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
