John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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