please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
