feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
