I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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