I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
