i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
