If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
