She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
