ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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