Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
