I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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