"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
