i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dick very happy bro
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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