when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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