i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
