There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
