I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
