Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
