using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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