I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
