So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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