i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
