I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
