I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
