I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
